“Drag your thoughts away from your troubles… by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.” -Mark Twain

not much makes sense to me, even at 33.  but I’ve come to peace with a few things:
1. paradox
2. regret is useless unless you decide to learn from it and use it to help someone else.
3. it’s much better for one to finish college when one has not children and mortgage.
4. elusively finding your dream often inhibits living what is life in the moment; which most often ends up being dreamy if you flip the cat and rub it the other way.
5. when i feel like i know something for sure, i don’t.  and usually when i admit i don’t know, that something makes more sense.
6. i love to write but I’m lazy so i find it strange that laziness often trumps what i love to do. I’m working on that one…
7. a little crazy can go a long way (and not in a good way) if the crazy stays inside and doesn’t ask for help.
8. as my dear chaplain Kenneth told me at treatment 3 years ago, “everyone’s ability to hear God is the same, because he speaks to each of us in our own language.”
9. i am selfish and want what i want and masterfully manipulative getting what i want when i want it. whether or not i choose to be so each day is up to admitting it is thus; and then proceed through each day doing the opposite of what is instinctive; because that usually works to put the selfishness in remission for a few moments.
10. i don’t always have to have an answer for ‘why do we do what we do?’ the question is the answer. if we knew why we do what we do we wouldn’t do most of what we do.
11. perfection is pointless for us to attempt so why exude the maniacal energy to be perfect when it keeps us from acceptance.
12. grace is most often found in the uncomfortable, messy, dark, crazy, uncontrollable, confusing, unrelenting moments in life. to to avoid these 7 things is often to avoid grace.  hmmm, that’s funny. just thought of the ’7 deadly sins’.  these could be called the ’7 places of grace’. ok, sorry that’s cheesy. but true.
and one more for now:
13. mind over matter is the optimal mode of making it through days on earth.  unless of course one’s mind is a muttled mush of chemicals and neurons gone wild. then matter usually trumps mind, even if one is extending maximum effort towards the other…  so for humans to subscribe to mind over matter as law is harsh and feeble.  genetics, substances, choices, circumstances, and environment tend to have a heavy influence on the mind over matter attempt.  one is much better off focusing on one’s own mind to let other minds matter enough to judge them.
that’s all for now, unless there’s more…

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