5.30.2011

night o' the free-write.

i don't know
if i've aged well according to the information age.
as in, grown into a grown-up who deals well with information.
information overload feels like a strange ride
like the Gravitron
the first time i road it and the floor fell out from under me
and i was suspended in air from the force of the carnival ride
i loved it.
so much so- i exited and re-entered the ride,
handed necessary number of tickets to the ticket taker
and rode again.
this is the problem with my brain.
the 2nd time I got violently sick.
The Clam Festival was over and done with for me, prematurely, due to Gravitron sickness
and i had to go home, sans cotton candy
while the lights were still blazing joyously
and fellow 5th graders were still basking in the festival night
and able to keep down their cotton candy.
they basked because they knew you just don't get on the Gravitron
if you just got off the Gravitron.
Replace Gravitron with Google.
When i want to know about something that i realize i don't know much about
but feel i should
or could
and that information if i just find it
understand it
memorize it
takes notes about it
will help me understand life or dreams or parenting or writing or documentary making or
jeezlouise. i find i've squandered precious time
feeling utterly inferior
far less capable
aware of what i don't understand
far more than what i do, or did, oh
guts.
Watching Ramona and Beezus with the wonderboys
took me back to age 9 and i missed being
more aware of the dreams, the possibilities, the imaginings
than my deficiencies.
 Ramona, often confused and misunderstood
but alive and inventive and uninhibited often in her own world.
I miss Ramona, I miss identifying with her-
in some ways the 9 year old
could teach me oodles about life
much more than google
I don't think my brain on the information age
is a good thing.
Sure, if i could enjoy the ride, the research, the find
for what it is, glean the bit o' nonsense i need for the whatnot...
but no, i jump right back on the Google Gravitron, the floor falls out from under feet
and suddenly I've lost the joyful convenience of finding a needed tidbit of info 
suddenly i think i need to keep finding "answers" to questions i don't know i have yet.
some nights i feel that same motion sickness feeling in my gut
like when i walked home from the Clam Festival
sick as can be and green.
wishing i rode a gravity defying ride
once, left it at that
and kept down my cotton candy.

L. quotes Dr.Seuss

2 comments:

Anne Wilson said...

Love this.

Anne Wilson said...

Love this.

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